Selective Integrity
All the things we’d rather not see, weigh in on, or talk about.
It’s such an interesting time. I can’t scroll through a timeline without seeing posts about listening, reflecting, amplifying...
Holding space for people with different experiences than you.
Having the courage to have uncomfortable conversations for the sake of growth and progress.
And we applaud that and are all for that
Until,
It’s a cop condemning another cop for their behavior.
That’s against the code.
Unless, it’s a woman legitimately criticizing another woman.
That’s tearing down other women
Unless it’s a person of color checking another.
That’s not uplifting people who already have to deal with systemic oppression. Don’t pile on.
Unless it’s one athlete imploring another athlete to do better.
That’s not how we build the sport. Or each other.
A Team USA athlete willing to go toe to toe with the USOC.
It’s an honor to represent the USA, so shut up.
A professional athlete critical of Word Athletics
Don’t speak too loudly or you’ll get blackballed from the meets you need to make a living.
An American yogi speaking up about the line between cultural appropriation and appreciation in the industry.
Yoga’s roots don’t belong to any of us.
A republican calling out another republican.
Tow the party line or risk it all. And risk losing reelection, the majority, and Supreme Court picks.
A democrat not feeling Biden.
Any criticism of Biden is a vote for Trump.
Sometimes, when I’m scrolling timelines i feel that pressure in my chest when I see posts like that about Biden.
I’ll be honest, my initial reaction is “so, we just re-elect Trump then?” And a part of me wants to ask this: “you posted this why? What’s your goal?”
And the answer is, even when I don’t like what’s being said, that person has a voice and the right to speak.
And I have the right to challenge their thinking, or ignore them, mute them, unfriend them, or even block them.
But I don’t have the right to demand silence of them.
The most common of the few criticisms I’ve received in the past week had NOTHING to do with what I said, but that I said it.
Because we’re on the “same team”- so to speak.
As if anything I said would have been better received if I were on an “opposing” one?
Or any less dismissed.
We lambast law enforcement for their cop culture- that blue wall, that code of silence that allows bad behavior to proliferate and corrupt entire precincts.
We demand that the “good” cops stand up for what’s right and speak out about their brothers and sisters in uniform.
We roll our eyes at organizations who opt to investigate themselves behind closed doors,
We want white people to stop remaining silent when a person of color is being subjected to subtle racism and micro aggressions within eye or ear shot.
But we want to be “that’s family business” when rooting out our own bullshit.
We want “behind closed doors” conversations.
We want the appearance of solidarity without aligning our individual actions to the collective mission.
No, we are not all alike.
And we don’t have to be.
That’s the beauty of humanity.
But we also can’t demand an end to silence (when it suits us)
And demand or shame people into silence (when it doesn’t).
You can choose to speak or not speak on any given issue. You don’t have to speak up about everything all the time. That would be exhausting.
But our integrity.
We’re not meant to be selective about THAT.
We aren’t perfect. I’m not perfect. Obviously.
But it’s like training right- it’s the consistent effort, the showing up at each session with the goal of getting the best out of yourself that turns you into THAT athlete.
You know the one, the one you have no doubt will show up and show out.
How does one get to that position in the eyes of coaches, fans, followers, whoever?
Athletes like that earn it in response to their consistency. That consistency manifests in their performances over time.
String together a bunch of top level performances and now you’re reliable.
Integrity should be like that.
Consistent.
Reliable.
Even when it’s difficult, even when it’s unpopular.
Gabby Thomas said it best in a tweet last week,
“If you’re not willing to have uncomfortable conversations or burn a few bridges over it, ask yourself if you really care.”
