Yea, but...

The sports world lost a legend on Sunday, January 26th...

I was waiting for a flight when I saw the TMZ report on my timeline.

My initial reaction was denial.

Nah, no way. Here they go with the fake news bullshit...

Then anger...

at the reporting, at the rush to be the FIRST to break the news, at the irresponsible retweeting of misinformation...

At god. The universe.

But then something else happened...in my inbox I got a message from someone who’s opinion I’ve come to respect and convos I often look forward to. They sent me a link to an article about Kobe Bryant, along with a message that basically said:

To temper your grief. Don’t forget he’s a rapist...

Yea. So...

I responded that I had actually not forgotten. But I also asked him to remember how Kobe has tried to live his life since then, and I asked him to have someone remind me to read his rap sheet at his funeral.

Needless to say that’s a tempered but angry response from me.

The question I have is this: is there such a thing as redemption?

Is that what he was pursuing? Was this the motivation behind becoming a producer, a coach, an analyst...

If it was for redemption, did he get it?

Do we need it?

From who?

Why?

I always greet death with questions. I’ll probably do the same at the time of my own.

But I most definitely did not forget about the rape case, I also haven’t discounted anything else he’s done.

When you take stock of a life is the wrong stuff more heavily weighted than the good stuff?

And by whose rubric do we use to arrive at that conclusion?

At what point, if any, do we get to leave what’s behind behind, and reclaim our life’s potential? If we’d gone astray?

I know, there’s also this tendency to “not speak ill of the dead”

Death makes an asshole an angel to his or her family, friends, and strangers, especially at their funeral.

But that tendency is not what I’m pondering here.

I’m challenging the “yea, but...” tendency we also have.

YEA he or she did such and such...BUT don’t forget about....

and I’m not advocating for a clean slate because one has died.

I’m just wondering why we, as humans with unique but shared experiences, do this to each other.

And if or how it helps us realize our potential in the short time we have on this planet.

Or...how we can both hold each other accountable AND encourage a life rewrite. Because we are ultimately the authors and narrators of our story here on earth.

I know it’s complicated.

And messy.

But I like to hold space for the possibility that you can comeback from anything...

I like the idea that your life doesn’t necessarily have to be tagged and labeled as your worst decision, or your worst day. Hell, I’m relieved to believe it’s not even defined by your best ones. 

I like the idea of evolution, and realizing potential, and changing perspectives...

Yep...even among politicians. Who are extremely hard to take. Especially lately...

Why? Because I want that space held and extended to me. 

I don’t want you to forget my fuck ups.

Because dismissing my fuck ups is a sure fire way to dismiss my growth...

They do absolutely go together.

I don’t know about you but I’m not inspired by perfect people.

Not whipped into shape by flawless friends.

It’s okay to look at someone like Kobe Bryant and feel inspired by his performance, and what he’s done with his life and in the lives of others,

It’s okay to remember his rape case, and the victim.

And…it’s also your right to judge what is or is not a life worthy of your grief.

As for me...

I’d rather not have my life reviewed via cut and paste.

And for those people who were close to me and are no longer, or who remain close to me now— know that I do see your picture. 

All of it.

You don’t have to worry about my selective remembering of our life together.

I know you’re whole, complicated, messy, but beautiful.

I just hope you see me the same.

Rest easy Gigi and Kobe and the other seven lives that were lost today.